There and Back: Part 2

I fully meant to finish writing about our summer trip, and now six months has flown by. It's 2025 - happy new year! 

One of our main missions during the August trip was to sort out our driver's license issues. I never thought it would be easy - trips to the DMV rarely are - but the problems began even before our prescheduled appointments. Rolling into the parking lot, we see a big crowd of people looking frustrated. Not a good sign. The beleaguered DMV employee tell us that there is no electricity and so all appointments for the day are canceled until further notice. We will be notified by text if and when appointments resume, by noon she assures us. 

This and most locations are by appointment only and all appointments are filled up for the next few days while we are in town. What to do? Nothing except wait. We go home, eat lunch, and wait for the text update. Noon comes and goes. No text, no update. We drive back to the DMV to find that appointments have indeed resumed. Few experiences are more quintessentially American than a trip to the DMV. 

Our kids loved the Children's Museum Houston the best. The museum has several sections for a wide range of ages. One of their favorites was the "kidtropolis" area, complete with a bank, vet, hospital, post office, bicycle store, art factory, among others where kids can engage in different roles and earn money. There are even toy ATMs that allow withdrawal and deposits of "money." Another favorite was the climbing tower, a vertical maze of nets. 

In Japan it would have been "DO NOT wear shoes in the Tower"!

There was a short performance of a musical about mad scientist and AI gone rogue - this was my favorite. The quality of the performance way exceeded my expectations for a children's museum production. I also liked that there were very local touches to the exhibits that paid homage to Mexican culture, which is such a significant part of Texan culture. 

During our three and a half years (almost four!) in Japan, I've become strangely attached to the idea of buying a few things that I can, in fact, buy in Japan. Some things I've found acceptable substitutes for while for others I've found even better counterparts. But for these few - it's just not the same. I've always liked to travel light but to satiate my "need" to bring back these items, we do not travel light on the return. 

On my must bring back list: a tub of Cerave lotion; deodorant; bandages; adult and kid toothpaste; floss;  hypoallergenic, oderless, and highly concentrated laundry detergent; kosher salt; tampons; tomato paste; English books and games. 

On my would be nice to bring back list: peanut butter; dried fruits snacks; pretzels; random TJ snacks; teddy grahams; dried beans (black beans, cannellini beans, kidney beans); candy canes and other holiday-specific goods; spices; Funfetti cake mix. Lots of food-related items basically. 

Of course with all that extra luggage space, we bring a few things from Japan too! On the top of my list are skin care items for my mom (lotion, hydrating face masks, facial sunscreen), eye warmers; snacks; seasoning; dishware; dried noodles; chopsticks. It is funny how it is ingrained in human nature to covet what we don't have. 

Until next time. It"s been real. And big. 

It is time for us to return all too quickly.  

There and Back: Part 1

In July, we returned to the U.S. the first time in three years. But in a sense we did not return at all, because we went to Texas, a place I've never lived but where my parents now live. It's a place where an exaggeration of American stereotypes can be found. A place that will deliver if you want to immerse yourself in reverse culture shock. 

E and I left Tokyo first and were joined by dad H and sister M a week later. It was my first time traveling alone with either kid. I was lucky though, because E is a great traveler and loves riding airplanes - it's the time/place vacuum in which there's free-flowing juice, Häagen-Dazs (we fly ANA, and it's their thing to serve that ice cream), endless televisions, crafting, and whatever else she wants to do. On the twelve-hour flight, she fell asleep during our descent singing along to Disney's Wish and stayed asleep for exactly 22 minutes. After barely sleeping for 24 hours, she slept 14 hours on the first day. What a travel companion!

Arrival in Texas

The thing I had forgotten about the U.S. is how wastefully cold it is indoors during the summer. First thing to greet us was the artic blast of air conditioning. Half the plane being Japanese, you could hear echoes of "Samui, samui!" as the passengers made their way to immigration. 

The second thing was how large the toilet seats are. This may sounds fussy, but the Japanese are singularly particular about the toilets. So the big toilets, the confounding seat gap,  the startlingly loud flush - these mundane elements of public toilet life jumped out in stark contrast. American toilets are unique too. 

As we made our way to my parent's house, speeding along more than 20 lanes of highway, the third and scariest thing of all was the driving. Vehicles are absolutely massive and drivers zip past at breathtaking speeds. And most terrifying of all, you will find a good number of drivers with one hand on the steering and the other holding their mobile, glancing down every so often. This was a thrill ride no one wants to be on. I don't remember driving in the Midwest to be so scary. 

Ballet class, a mall, and plenty of good food

One of the reasons for our trip was a summer ballet program for E. Ballet culture in Japan is pretty different. Her school was very choreography-focused, very corps de ballet, and I thought she would enjoy the more creative aspects of ballet and benefit from more individual attention. And the program was indeed good. It rekindled her excitement for dance, and she made a few friends too. 

On our second day, we went to a mall to escape the heat. The crowds, the food court, anxiety-inducing open spaces - nothing nostalgic here. Maybe it's an age thing? One's capacity to enjoy malls may be inversely correlated with age. This seemed to be true for E, who enjoyed it quite a bit. She was tickled at how friendly the sales clerks were (Americans are so nice!), the eye-glazing smells from Annie's Pretzels (It smells soooo good!), and of course, the indoor skating rink. The girl could have skated all day long. It wasn't crowded at all by Japanese standards, which was true of most places we went and what I enjoyed most about being back in the States.

You hear all sorts of interesting stories about memory and how strange and unpredictable it can be. After three years of working myself up over the idea of Five Guys burgers, Chipotle, etc., I can confirm that my memory of these things warped so to barely resemble the thing itself. My taste buds confirmed that they tasted as I knew they always did but my mind was surprised that they weren't as delicious as my memories kept suggesting.

Bur we did eat some very delicious food that we had been missing a lot in Japan. Some things must be served in hearty portions for the full experience.

Lebanese food - our hearty appetizer sampler. I have dreamt of platters of hummus and pita. 

Tex-Mex. It's the whole package - chips, salsa, fajitas, music, portions. The girls were enchanted by this meal. 

Few things beat a big warm bowl of pho. Did you know that Texas as some of the largest Vietnamese communities?

Abundance has an odd effect on me. For instance, I will crave berries, but if presented with an abundance of berries, my craving will dissipate. Faced with an abundance of food, my appetite plummets. Hence, I cannot eat at buffets. Give me morsels! Ration my servings! 

That's it for now from the land of the free and the big portions. We had an incredible time at the Children's Museum and a mental roller coaster ride at the local DMV. I've dedicated the next post to these two divergent experiences. 

A Baseball Outing

Last Friday, my husband and I went to watch our first baseball game since Covid-19 began. This makes it sound like we regularly went to games before Covid-19, and we didn't. We actually have not been to a game in six years. This was only my second Japanese baseball game, the first one being seven years ago, also in Tokyo.  

I can't tell you how to get tickets because my husband got them. It is a somewhat complicated process involving different dates and different seating areas for different membership tiers, including the free membership which is what we got to buy the tickets. Last Friday's game was between the Tokyo Yakult Swallows and Hiroshima Toyo Carp. The Swallows won the Japan Series last year, so they have been popular, and the stadium was nearly full. Since we bought the tickets on the first day they became available for our membership tier, we were still able to get great seats. 

A perfectly balmy evening for a baseball game. 

Baseball is just as popular, if not more so, in Japan as it is in the U.S. In the U.S., I've been to a few Mets games and a few White Sox games. There are lots of similarities between baseball here and there, but some differences as well. The most notable differences:

The Seats

The Meiji Jingu Stadium is old, dating back to 1926. Apparently it is one of the few standing professional stadiums, along with Wrigley Field and Fenway Park, that existed when Babe Ruth played. 

Perhaps because of its age, the stadium seats are narrow and small for just about anyone. Our friend J is tall and mostly sat with his legs together. He savored the minutes when his seat mates were getting food and drinks. While the seating is not luxurious, I didn't mind it. Our neighbors were respectful about keeping to their own space. Despite there being no government mandate for mask wearing outdoors, the majority wore masks. Everyone cleaned up after themselves (People say this is a Japanese phenomenon, and I have to say, I don't understand why this is phenomenon. It should be common sense.) and kept their rubbish in their own space.

The Food

The food is similar to its American counterpart, though there is more variety. It is definitely not healthy, but you can buy edamame, which is considered a good beer snack. You can easily buy food at grocery stores or convenience stores nearby and bring them with you into the stadium. Stadium food is reasonably priced, but outside food is still less expensive. 

Concession stands sell hot dogs, fried noodles, yakitori, fried chicken, etc. Let me show you some of the things we ate: 

Different types of bentos boxes. 

Takoyaki (grilled squid balls) with scallions and chili sauce. 

Pineapple shaved ice. 

A concession stand selling Chinese food. 

Three cheese french fries and a Kirin beer. 

Curry...with imprinted cheese. 

The Volume

The final major difference I noticed is the noise level at Japanese baseball games. I don't know what it is about sporting events in America, but the noise is deafeningly loud. The speakers blast music, and then people have to shout over the speakers to converse with each other. And then you have to buy baby earmuffs to prevent damage to your kid's ears. While there are also chants and cheers here, I found that I could talk at a normal volume and hear what my seat mates were saying. 

It's the same game around the world, but the experience of watching baseball is definitely unique in Japan. Even though I don't know anything about baseball (I mostly follow what is happening based on crowd cues), I had a great time. I would even say that it was more fun to watch baseball in Japan than in the U.S. as someone who is not a big baseball fan. The environment was more relaxed. After all, there was so much to enjoy - the food, the company, and the beautiful spring evening. 

Potty Training

Yesterday was the first day of M's potty training. E was potty trained when she turned two, and we figured we would do the same for M. To tell you the truth, we have been dragging our feet since M's birthday a couple of weeks ago. 

It took us three days to potty train E and a week to fully potty train her (meaning she could be awake without a diaper as well as sleep without one). We read the book Oh Crap! Potty Training by Jamie Glowacki and followed her guidelines, which aim to potty train kids quickly rather than gradually. It worked for us. Things progressed just as the book described. Even now, it seems amazing that we were so lucky with E. We chalked it up to a combination of beginner's luck and E's personality. Naturally, we reasoned that it would be hard to get lucky twice. And the task ahead seemed to become more and more overwhelming in our minds. 

Another reason is outside pressure. For a few months now, both M's daycare and her grandparents have been attempting to potty train M. When she said "poo poo," they would rush to sit her on the toilet. Ninety percent of the time, of course, she had done the deed already. Her daycare teacher reported that she did pee a few times on the toilet. All of this made us shirk from the responsibility. Maybe M was ready, but we were not. It's a little selfish, I know. Since E was potty trained at age two, we had given ourselves an unspoken two year deadline. We reasoned that two didn't seem so late anyways. 

So how did it go? Day one went better than expected. M has a strong rebellious streak. And she doesn't mind messes. So we expected a messy, rebellious day. Instead, she had only one accident in the morning. After that, she peed on the toilet every time after announcing "pee pee." She also pooped successfully. Jamie Glowacki's book recommends for the kid to be naked from the waist down on the first day of training. This is so she can better understand what is happening when she has an accident. Once she understands that, she can begin to make the connection between wanting to pee and using the toilet. It also promotes clarity: there is no diaper sometimes and potty sometimes. As Glowacki puts it, it is difficult to learn a new behavior when you are still actively engaging in the old behavior. 

Potty Training in Different Countries

The environment of potty training this time around is completely different. As I mentioned, M's daycare has been encouraging of potty training and very willing to help. Now that we have undertaken the task, making the transition from potty training at home to potty training at daycare seems entirely doable. It is a very community-oriented mindset. You experience this in other circumstances too - like when other people (usually older people, to be honest) scold your kids. While this might be unacceptable in the U.S., it's not in Japan. It's happened to me, but I didn't mind much, as my reaction to what M was doing would have been similar. The community approach to raising kids works in a society of nearly uniform culture and values. 

E's daycare in Chicago had a hands-off policy for potty training. Even so, kids had to be potty trained to progress to the older class. E was in an older toddlers class when she began potty training. Although the classroom had its own bathroom with a child-sized toilet, it was used as a storage room and was thus unusable. She was also not allowed to visit the neighboring classroom's bathroom on the basis that it would disrupt the teacher to student ratios of each class. There was simply no support or infrastructure for a two year old to potty train. Parents were solely responsible for leading their kids to that milestone. It reflected an individual-minded approach to raising children. On the one hand, you get executive power. On the other, you have the exclusive burden. 

Toilet training in Japan begins early compared to the U.S. It is as early as age one and usually before age two. It is an interesting topic with cultural, socio-economical, psychological, and environmental angles. I won't get into it, but it is interesting if you want to read about Freud, science, and policy. 

Anyways, it is an all-consuming activity. All I can think about right now is potty training. With E, day two was actually than day one, and after a setback, she finally learned how to pull her pants down and go to the toilet. Day one was too easy to be true, so I am treading cautiously. My husband is more optimistic. We shall see what day two brings. I will report back next week. 

Inside my Summer Refrigerator

Since we arrived a few months ago, we have been trying different foods, brands, and grocery stores. Our diet has changed a lot. In Chicago, a third of our meals were either Japanese or Chinese. The rest was a mix of Mediterranean (many recipes from Ottolenghi's Jerusalem), Italian from Marcella Hazan's collection, or something improvised - variations on pasta, fried rice, etc. 

The inside of my refrigerator right now looks nothing like before. Western ingredients like cheese and meat are relatively expensive in Japan and less ubiquitous, so our western-eastern ratio has flip flopped. Japanese ingredients are easier to find, so that is what we eat more of now. Seafood is fresher and relatively less expensive than meat, so we eat more of that.

I do miss a lot of foods. It is the peak of summer, and I miss bringing home a bounty of berries and stone fruits. Fruits are conceptualized complete differently here in Japan. They are perfectly cultivated, unfailingly sweet, and more dessert-like than fruit-like. I love them, but I miss the my farmer's market fruits. I also miss the large variety of legumes and grains sold at my local supermarket. I miss Kerrygold butter. Not to mention the cheese. I miss the cheese so much. 

That said, I enjoy trying new recipes and discovering new ingredients. So here is a look inside my new refrigerator. Note: I realize it is not very organized. 

Husband's bento, daughter's bento. On the bottom left are remnants of a pack of tofu donuts. A guest brought them for us to try. They taste like regular donuts. My husband threw the bananas in the refrigerator because they were getting soft - those are now in the freezer awaiting their smoothie fates. Out refrigerator does not get much fuller than this. Our shopping/eat cycle is about 2-3 days at most. In Chicago, it was weekly.

On the top: soba dipping sauce, doubanjian for mapo tofu, tabasco, white sesame paste for salad dressing and sauces, tonkatsu sauce. On the bottom: more tonkatsu sauce, parmesan, ketchup, anchovies, wasabi, and random condiment packages from takeaway.

The pitcher is filled with mugicha, a summertime necessity. Coconut milk was a failed experiment. Sriracha, mustard, and mayo are staple condiments in our household. The milk is for the kids while the soy milk is for the adults. 

I love the top-down shape of the produce drawer. So much easier to fit bulky produce in the refrigerator!

Chicken breast in the defroster drawer. In Japan, breast meat is cheaper than dark meat, which is considered juicier and thus tastier. 

Random things drawer. I mostly store cheese and deli meat here. Right now I have some parmigiano-reggiano, brie, gouda, and laughing cow cubes.

The freezer - where I store my frozen treats. 

Zero bars are lactose free and sugar free. I accidentally bought them not knowing this, but they are pretty good. Ice pops are for E. I bought the red bean paste ice cream wafer sandwich to try. Most frozen desserts are sold individually, so it is easy to try them without committing to "value packs". They are the best part of a Japanese summer. 

Top freezer shelf. Premade frozen gyoza on the right, Frozen spinach ravioli on the bottom, and the rest are raw meats and fish. 

The ice drawer.

Stores give you these little ice packs whenever you buy something that needs to remain cold. I have tried to bring the ones we have (when I remember) so we don't acquire new ones. We store them in this side drawer. The drawer is a freezer but not as cold as the bottom freezer. This makes it also ideal for storing ice cream. 

The bottom half of the produce drawer. The peaches are stored outside until right before we eat them. Can you tell how deep this drawer is? Great for storing vegetables like cauliflower. Items like daikon and shiitake are inexpensive while cauliflower is more expensive. Applies are not too bad, but peaches are a luxury. The ones pictured here were fruit gifts. 

I wonder how the contents of our refrigerator compares to yours? 

8 Things I Like About Life in Japan

In no particular order: 

1. Pedestrian traffic 

In Tokyo, pedestrians are good at maintaining their traffic flow. This is unsurprising not only given the population of Tokyo but also the large proportion of pedestrians here. Still, it stands out. Pedestrians are good at being aware of their environment. They walk straight. They keep to one side of the path. They easily hear someone behind them and will quickly move out of the way so that person can pass. That said, there are still lot of people walking while looking down staring at their phones, but keeping to one side of the path and walking straight maximizes predictability for others and minimizes the disruption. 

Good pedestrian traffic is important because pedestrians share the sidewalk with bicycles. Cyclists ride carefully and slowly on the sidewalks, but safety is a two-way street, and cyclists rely on pedestrians to keep out of the way as much as pedestrians rely on cyclists to avoid running into them. 

2. How Things Get Done

Paper forms are everywhere in Japan. Everything it seems requires you to complete a long form. My husband wanted to add his mobile number to our front desk's contact list, and they told him that he had to first complete a handwritten form. Japan is positively not paperless, and this is one of the things I hope will change. 

The first couple of months after we arrived, we felt overwhelmed by the amount of paperwork we had to submit. While there is a lot of bureaucratic paperwork, things generally work as they should. For example, it took a lot of forms for me to obtain my national health insurance card. Once I did, however, the administrative aspect of healthcare was easy. I have been to a handful of doctors so far. Every time, the cost is transparent, and the final bill is settled before I leave. I never have to weigh the necessity of a procedure against the incalculable, unpredictable cost that the insurance company will determine. I don't have to wait for months to find out whether I will be paying nothing or thousands of dollars. 

Rarely does your information get lost or reshuffled or misinterpreted. Almost never do you have to take the initiative to unearth a problem and then go chasing after the solution. If you do, you will likely find people who genuinely want to help you solve the problem. All in all,  I spend less time doing paperwork than I do trying to retroactively fix problems. 

3. Reasonable Prices

For some reason, I had been under the impression that the cost of living was high in Japan. Many fruits are, in fact, expensive compared to those in the U.S.. However, the costs of services in Tokyo is generally less compared to the same costs in Chicago. Yoyogi Park, one of the largest public parks in Tokyo, has a biking pathway and rents both kids and adult bicycles. It is hugely popular and yet costs only about $2 for an hour. I find it interesting that the price is not directly proportional to demand. It may be difficult to attain popular things and services, but the sticker price won't make you gasp. 

More often than not in Chicago, the cost of something exceeded its value (to me). I would have in my mind an idea of how much I would pay for something, an expectation, and usually it would end up costing much more. It felt like a lot of businesses charged the highest price they could. That, in turn, made it feel like they cared more about maximizing profit than serving the customer. 

In, Japan, I find myself constantly surprised at how reasonable prices are, even when it is something that people line up for. Japan is a capitalist country, but there is something at work in the market that goes beyond pure economics. That something - perhaps culture or custom - acts as a restraint on capitalism. 

4. Social Interactions

Japanese people take a lot of pride in their manners. Manners, broadly speaking, is your bearing towards, and impact on, others. Manners reflect as much on yourself as it does on how you consider others. How considerate you are of others is a reflection of how well you were raised - a reflection of not only yourself but your family and community.

In Japan, children, like most other countries, are taught core values, including kindness and consideration. These values are so important that they transcend beyond the individual. In other words, they are more important than individualism. This education begins early. My youngest daughter attends a Japanese nursery school. She is a year and a half and knows to take her shoes off at entrances. She knows to put away her shoes, and to hand her empty plates over after eating. 

Adult interactions reflect this as well. People's actions are shaped by how they will impact others. This affects how people dress (well), how they speak (carefully), and how they walk (with awareness of surroundings). Manners are important because it is a matter of self-dignity and respect for others, two concepts fundamental to Japanese culture. 

5. Community

There is a real sense of community in Japanese culture, even in a city like Tokyo. I think Japan's ethnic and cultural homogeneity was historically an important part of this. However, there are a lot of non-Japanese living in Tokyo today. This is especially apparent at the moment because the country's borders are closed to foreign tourists. Despite diverse backgrounds and ethnicities, many non-Japanese living here speak Japanese and almost all adopt cultural norms and customs. This provides commonality and facilitates a sense of community. 

I commute to E's school every morning via bicycle. It is amazing to see how many people and businesses begin the day cleaning their street. I once saw a gust of wind blow a business's sign down, right into the sidewalk. Immediately, a passerby, an elderly woman on a cane, bent over to prop it back up. I often see people picking up trash even when it is clearly not theirs. Each person is inclined to keep the streets clean because everyone in the community makes the same effort. 

6. Conservation

Japan is an island nation. Nature is a dominant force in life and resources are not taken for granted. The geography and environment have shaped the cultural devotion to conservation. Japanese people value efficiency and  resourcefulness. Unlike Chinese culture, where excess (especially when it comes to food) is celebrated and even socially necessary, Japanese culture celebrates the idea of having just enough. 

Japanese recycling involves cleaning and separating your trash into several categories. Of the non-recyclables, perhaps the largest category of waste is the burnables. Given Japan's small landmass, it has developed incineration plants designed to generate clean electricity from burning trash. The furnaces operate in compliance with strict anti-pollution laws. If you want to read about the details, the Ministry of Environment has published a report. 

7. Elevators

I have noticed that people often take stairs by default, unless it is a high rise office building or something similar. People don't necessarily take elevators just because they are there. My building has an elevator and stairs right next to it. While it is open for everyone to use, people only use it if they are on a bike or have a stroller. This is great because it leaves the elevator available for those who truly need it. 

Another great feature about elevators is the door close button. It actually works. In the U.S., I never bothered pressing it, because the doors never seemed to close any faster. When I first arrived in Japan, I continued to ignore the button. But other people in the elevator would lean across and press it. Soon, I realized that people expected me to press it after entering the elevator so everyone can get on with the ride. Here, the doors do actually close as soon as you press the door close button.

8. No Tips

There is no tipping in Japan. In some contexts, it can even be impolite to tip. Tip supporters say tipping encourages better service, but I have always received amazing service in Japan. 

In Japanese culture, work is a source of pride. Whether it involves real artisanship or manual labor, the shokunin spirit is present. A shokunin is an artisan, an expert craftsman who seeks to master a specific skill. The shokunin spirit can be described as the endless pursuit of perfection. 

Work is also a means of demonstrating dignity through hardship, which is highly valued in Japanese culture. In Japanese, (according to Wikipedia) Gaman means enduring the seemingly unbearable with patience and dignity. It means persevering, maintaining your dignity and control under distress. To do so is highly admired. Between the concepts of Gaman and shokunin, it is no wonder that tipping is irrelevant to excellent service.