A Japanese Childhood

It is hard to believe that we have been living in Japan for six months now and at the same time hard to fathom that we had a completely different life in Chicago a mere six months ago. My eldest daughter, E, is adaptable. My younger daughter M is too young to remember six months ago. This post is about the differences I have experienced between raising young kids in Chicago and raising them here in Tokyo. Of course, my observations are from my perspective, and there are many factors, aside from culture and geography, that influence my perspective. 

Outside the home, E and M experience very different environments. E goes to an English-language international school while M attends Japanese daycare. Since E was enrolled in an American daycare from 4 months of age, she has never been truly immersed in a Japanese community the way M now is. The contrast between them now, and the differences between them at the same ages, is apparent. 

1. Snacking 

While Japanese kids snack, it is not obvious that they do. You won't see kids walking down the street munching on snacks. In Japan, eating while walking is a big faux pas. Convenience stores typically have a small outdoor area where you can stand and eat your snack before moving on. I'm not sure about drinks. I think to some extent it must also be frowned upon, because I don't see people walking around in the morning with coffee (or water or tea) super-glued to their hands. 

Since most people get around on foot, there are not many opportunities to witness kids snacking. My observations of kids snacking comes from spending time with family and friends. And from the enormous variety of ridiculously cute snack foods found at supermarkets and convenience stores. Japanese kids may snack less than their American counterparts. The walking rule limits their opportunities, after all. However, in America, I think there is a bigger push and wider selection of "healthy snacks" targeted towards kids.

We are not a big snacking family. At home, the kids' routine is morning breakfast, lunch at noon, an afternoon snack, and dinner at 6pm. While this has not changed, I am finding it harder to keep out the less healthy snack foods. E has one classmate whose mom brings a bunch of snacks to share after school. The snacks are super popular with the kids, but are not the healthiest. Now that E knows these other snacks exist, I give it to her from time to time so it doesn't become forbidden fruit. 

Unnecessarily alluring snacks:

Make your own sushi candy.

Anpanman lollies.

Chocolate mushroom mountain and acorns.

2. Eating Manners

Eating in Japan is an activity laden with cultural idiosyncrasies. Babies and toddlers are not expected to eat as adults would, but still, a lot is expected of them. 

A meal begins when people clap their hands together and bow their heads, exclaiming, "itadakimasu!" It means to receive or accept the meal in gratitude. At the end of a meal, you would bow your head a bit, put your hands together, and say, "gochisousama deshita," which means something like, "it was a great meal," and also expresses gratitude for the meal, particularly towards the cook or the person who treated you. These two expressions is the foundation of social eating in Japan, and children are taught to say this from an early age. M has been saying this (or something that sounds like this. She claps her hands together and nods her head, so we know.) since she was one and a half years old. Her daycare has taught her to do this. 

M's daycare also taught her to properly drink from a cup, without a straw and without a top. They asked us to work with her on this at home too, for consistency's sake. It was a huge pain. Spills everywhere. Wasted milk. But she was able to do it within a week or so. 

The same thing happened with using utensils. For babies one year and older, using hands to eat is discouraged. At age two, chopstick training begins. Chopstick training commonly involves moving beans from one bowl to another to master chopstick skills. Needless to say, chopstick etiquette is an important and nuanced part of social etiquette. 

3. Strollers

We started encouraging my then two and a half year old to walk without her stroller when her sister was born. It seemed premature, and she struggled a little. Then the pandemic arrived. My physician husband became busier (he drives the car), daycare hours changed, and I became the one primarily responsible for drop-offs and pick-ups. My work from home hours helped make this easier too. With daycare about one mile away from our home, it was easier to pile both kids into a double stroller and walk. And this is how a double stroller came into our lives. 

In Japan, I see only infant babies in strollers. Rarely have I seen double strollers, since the older child would be expected to walk. It would not be unusual to see a two year old out without a stroller. M's daycare takes her class on walks twice daily, as weather permits. On a nice day, they walk as much as a mile. I would have thought this to be too demanding for a one and a half year old, but kids are amazing and can exceed expectations unexpectedly. Of course, this requires enormous patience and a big time commitment from the caretaker. It made me think that we, as parents, often minimize our expectations of our kids for our own convenience and because of our own limitations. 

4. Toilet Training

Toilet training in Japan begins early, sometimes around age one and well before age two. M's daycare has already begun potty-training. Chinese babies also potty train early, around age one. At least, this was the case when I was a baby. Even though I have lived almost my entire life in the U.S., I was shocked to learn, after becoming a parent, that many American toddlers do not potty train until age 3 and beyond. 

We trained E at age 2 because we did not want two kids in diapers. For her, it went as smoothly as I could have hoped. Even so, it took a lot of work at the beginning. In the end, it saved a lot of diapers, time, and energy. I believe it also made her more confident by granting her greater independence. 

At the time, two seemed early compared to E's peers. Now that I am living in Japan, my perspective has shifted, and I wonder if we could have, or maybe should have, trained E even earlier. Maybe two was the perfect time. Maybe we granted ourselves more time than necessary because the status quo was familiar and convenient, and the alternative meant a lot of work and change. 

5. Social Expectations

I have written about when to remove shoes in Japan. This includes gyms, the library (children's reading area), indoor play spaces, changing rooms, bathrooms, locker rooms, etc.. Any obvious barrier - wooden floor to tatami mat/carpet or a raised surface - is a likely signal to take off the shoes. This is still not always apparent to me, but my kids are great knowing when to take off their shoes. 

M, who is not even two years old, automatically takes off her shoes at our entryway and puts them away in the shoe closet. I cannot take credit for this. This is something she does everyday at daycare. Her daycare teaches all this in nurturing and patient, though unyielding, way. In this way, even very young children participate in social rituals that signal their active participation and integration into the community.

A Trip to the Tokyo Toy Museum

It has been a very rainy week.  While some parts of Japan had bad flooding, it has not been a problem where we live. On the contrary, we experienced five blissful days of overcast skies and cool temperatures. On Sunday, it was almost chilly with a high of 70 F. These are ideal summer running conditions for me, and squeezed in as many runs as I could. 

E's summer camp ended last week, so she has been home with me. Because of the summer holidays, the rain, and limited entries due to Covid, it has been nearly impossible to reserve tickets for age-appropriate museums, zoos, and aquariums. I was looking up possible places to go and came across the Tokyo Toy Museum. It was perfect: age-appropriate, interactive, not too far, and available reservations for this week. 

Although the Toy Museum is close to our home, it is not really walking distance, especially not with unpredictable rain. This was not a problem, as E has been asking to ride the city bus. The buses are not quite as prompt as the trains. By which I mean they are sometimes two minutes late whereas the trains usually arrive right on schedule. Riding the bus with E in Tokyo reminded me of riding CTA buses, which we did often. It took me back to riding the 72 North Ave. bus, which would sometimes be delayed for 22 minutes only for four buses to arrive at the same time. This is one thing I will not miss. 

We arrived after just a few stops. The neighborhood, though not far, was completely different. This is the wonderful, unique thing about Tokyo - you can get lost, literally and figuratively, just a few steps away from home. The museum is in an old building formerly used as a public school and built before World War II. Each of the classrooms housed a different exhibit.

We first registered for toy-making workshop. While waiting for the workshop to begin, we explored the wooden Toy Forest room, made of Japanese cypress and filled with wooden toys and play structures. There was a wooden ball pit with hidden acorns and wooden squirrels. 

Then it was time to make a toy. We were given the choice between making a necklace or a wheel that you could roll with a fan. E chose the wheel. The kids decorate two paper plates, cut along specified lines, and fuse the plates together to create a wheel. I forgot to take a photo, but E had a lot of fun (mostly with decorating). 

After the workshop, we went to the traditional Japanese toys exhibit. Although there is an English guide, I think she would have gotten more out of this exhibit with her father, as I had no idea what anything was. E most enjoyed the playacting room, which had a toy shop, toy kitchen, miniature-sized traditional Japanese house (this was amazing, as it was incredibly detailed, down to the cast-iron kettle for tea), musical instruments, and more. 

Our last exhibit was one displaying toys from around the world. This was the most interesting one to me, likely because it is also targeted towards older kids. In addition to exhibits, the room had shelves with toys and board games and little tables with chairs, set up cafe-style, where kids can try out the games themselves. There was also a beautifully retro foosball table. 

We did not see all the rooms because E was getting tired and we had a bus to catch. While the museum has a nursing room and a room dedicated for babies, it had no cafe or eating area, so we had to leave for lunch. Anyways, less is sometimes more with little kids and museums. E said she had a lot of fun and wanted to return. I thought it was a beautiful and well-designed museum. The adaptive reuse of the building and all the wooden toys lent the museum a deeply nostalgic quality. We hope to visit again soon!

Two Typhoons and a Ballet Recital

Two typhoons were headed for Japan this past week. One of them came to Tokyo, and the other blew past (I think - news is all in Japanese, so I guess what they are saying sometimes). Everyone seemed pretty calm about this, so I too went about my day as usual. Breakfast as usual:

Kid's breakfast: yogurt & muesli, toast three ways (marmite, jam, and avocado), and pastry. 

My breakfast: yogurt, muesli, and coffee. The yogurt containers are small, so I eat two.

Then, even though it had started raining, we braved the weather to go out for lunch. Everyone in the family has their own favorite ramen place. This one is mine. It is a 10-15 minute walk from our home. I love it because the menu is extensive. Most ramen restaurants specialize in their type of broth. This own has both creamy broth and lighter ones, plus fried chicken sides. 

Additions for your ramen. In each pot is yuzu pepper, garlic paste, and plum paste. In the box is a type of seaweed. 

It was also a long weekend, and E had her first ballet recital on Monday. I danced ballet throughout my childhood and up to college, so I thought it would all be familiar. I was wrong - it was completely different and more intense than any childhood recital of mine. 

E practiced about four hours a week during the weeks leading up to the recital. The choreography presented a healthy dose of challenge for E. On the day of the recital, we dropped her off in the morning at the concert hall, where she would run through a morning dress rehearsal, have lunch with her peers, and complete last minute touchups for costume and makeup. She was there from the morning until late afternoon. The list of things for her to bring on that day included costume (a mini professional one!), name tag (with bands sewn on by me grandma so she can wear it), a bento with food that would not get stuck between her teeth, individual picnic mat for eating lunch, warm up pants and hoodie, warm up socks, water bottle, name labels on all belongings including makeup items, hand towel, hair accessories, extra mask, bag for garbage, and bag for shoes. 

Although I grumbled a lot about the preparation, it was a beautiful recital. The venue was a large concert hall. I was incredibly impressed by the dancers, particularly the younger ones who flawlessly executed long stretches of complex choreography. Even though E was pushed more than she was used to, she experienced the happiness of working hard and accomplishing something difficult. We were proud of her. 

Unfortunately photos and recordings of the recital itself were not permitted, so this is all I have. I plan to buy the official recording once it is available. Side note: the cost of ballet in Japan is surprisingly high. Growing up, my ballet tuition was about $60/month. Even taking inflation into consideration, E's tuition is much, much higher than this. Moreover, the recital itself cost a lot. This is not surprising after seeing the costume, venue, etc. My husband has a Japanese intern who was a former ballerina who danced until her late teens. According to her, these costs are unremarkable for ballet recitals here. 

I guess I always considered ballet as having a low entry barrier: all you need is a leotard, tights, and slippers. My ballet school growing up had students from all walks of life. My impression is that, here, the barrier to enter ballet is designed to be high. We loved E's recital, but four-year-olds do not need professional tutus and venues. I like that E's ballet school challenges her, but I do wish that it were more widely accessible.

Congratulatory peach tart. It is impressive how many extraordinary patisseries there are in Tokyo. 

Bouquet of flowers from the grandparents. 

Inside my Summer Refrigerator

Since we arrived a few months ago, we have been trying different foods, brands, and grocery stores. Our diet has changed a lot. In Chicago, a third of our meals were either Japanese or Chinese. The rest was a mix of Mediterranean (many recipes from Ottolenghi's Jerusalem), Italian from Marcella Hazan's collection, or something improvised - variations on pasta, fried rice, etc. 

The inside of my refrigerator right now looks nothing like before. Western ingredients like cheese and meat are relatively expensive in Japan and less ubiquitous, so our western-eastern ratio has flip flopped. Japanese ingredients are easier to find, so that is what we eat more of now. Seafood is fresher and relatively less expensive than meat, so we eat more of that.

I do miss a lot of foods. It is the peak of summer, and I miss bringing home a bounty of berries and stone fruits. Fruits are conceptualized complete differently here in Japan. They are perfectly cultivated, unfailingly sweet, and more dessert-like than fruit-like. I love them, but I miss the my farmer's market fruits. I also miss the large variety of legumes and grains sold at my local supermarket. I miss Kerrygold butter. Not to mention the cheese. I miss the cheese so much. 

That said, I enjoy trying new recipes and discovering new ingredients. So here is a look inside my new refrigerator. Note: I realize it is not very organized. 

Husband's bento, daughter's bento. On the bottom left are remnants of a pack of tofu donuts. A guest brought them for us to try. They taste like regular donuts. My husband threw the bananas in the refrigerator because they were getting soft - those are now in the freezer awaiting their smoothie fates. Out refrigerator does not get much fuller than this. Our shopping/eat cycle is about 2-3 days at most. In Chicago, it was weekly.

On the top: soba dipping sauce, doubanjian for mapo tofu, tabasco, white sesame paste for salad dressing and sauces, tonkatsu sauce. On the bottom: more tonkatsu sauce, parmesan, ketchup, anchovies, wasabi, and random condiment packages from takeaway.

The pitcher is filled with mugicha, a summertime necessity. Coconut milk was a failed experiment. Sriracha, mustard, and mayo are staple condiments in our household. The milk is for the kids while the soy milk is for the adults. 

I love the top-down shape of the produce drawer. So much easier to fit bulky produce in the refrigerator!

Chicken breast in the defroster drawer. In Japan, breast meat is cheaper than dark meat, which is considered juicier and thus tastier. 

Random things drawer. I mostly store cheese and deli meat here. Right now I have some parmigiano-reggiano, brie, gouda, and laughing cow cubes.

The freezer - where I store my frozen treats. 

Zero bars are lactose free and sugar free. I accidentally bought them not knowing this, but they are pretty good. Ice pops are for E. I bought the red bean paste ice cream wafer sandwich to try. Most frozen desserts are sold individually, so it is easy to try them without committing to "value packs". They are the best part of a Japanese summer. 

Top freezer shelf. Premade frozen gyoza on the right, Frozen spinach ravioli on the bottom, and the rest are raw meats and fish. 

The ice drawer.

Stores give you these little ice packs whenever you buy something that needs to remain cold. I have tried to bring the ones we have (when I remember) so we don't acquire new ones. We store them in this side drawer. The drawer is a freezer but not as cold as the bottom freezer. This makes it also ideal for storing ice cream. 

The bottom half of the produce drawer. The peaches are stored outside until right before we eat them. Can you tell how deep this drawer is? Great for storing vegetables like cauliflower. Items like daikon and shiitake are inexpensive while cauliflower is more expensive. Applies are not too bad, but peaches are a luxury. The ones pictured here were fruit gifts. 

I wonder how the contents of our refrigerator compares to yours?