My two year old daughter M, who previously slept like a log from 8:30 pm to 8:30 am, now sleeps with complete inconsistency. Last night she woke up crying four times. Each time, she asked for a sip of water, took a sip, and went back to sleep. Two nights ago she woke us up once. Three nights ago, twice. Each wake-up lasts just a minute and involves no more than a sip of water or a repositioning. This has been going on for the past five days - ever since we took her pacifier away.
The pacifier issue is a controversial one in our family. Both my kids have used pacifiers from birth. E walked around with a pacifier until she was almost two and a half years old. She slept with one until she was three. Eventually, my husband, who is not fond of pacifier usage, took it away. When the time came, E cried for half and hour and moved on. It was a relatively quick and painless adjustment.
My husband does not like the idea of M being addicted, in his words, to the pacifier. E was similar in that she would ask for the pacifier, and when denied, would negotiate "just a little bit." She would proceed to take a hit of pacifier for just a few seconds and return it satisfied. This drove my husband crazy. "See? It's an addiction," he would say. I suppose it sort of was, but it didn't bother me. Similar behavior in an adult is a different matter, but when it is a two year old and a pacifier, well, I don't view it as a problem.
Our different perspectives on this issue stem partially from cultural differences. Pacifier use is not widespread in Japan, and certainly not on babies older than age one. A pacifier becomes a thing that only newborns use. From this angle, it's about emotional independence and maturity. It would seem then that a toddler's pacifier use signals over-reliance on an external source for emotional support. Yet it is a common practice for Japanese children to co-sleep with their parent/(s) well past toddlerhood and into childhood. While parents will lament this arrangement, they accept it as a cultural norm. And while this norm originated from a time when limited space warranted the practice, this is no longer true for many families.
So here we have two similar but different examples of childhood dependence on external sources. The merits and flaws of each, I think, is simply a matter of cultural perspective.
At any rate, we took the pacifier away from M with too much fanfare. There were lots of tears and prolonged protesting. In addition to what it was, it also became a symbol of rebellion. It's a loaded issue. We made it impossible to turn back on the decision.
As you say, it's all a matter of cultural perspectives. French children carry their doudou with them when they are even 4 or 5. Two of my five grandkids suck their thumbs to put themselves to sleep. (They are both magnificent sleepers!) Many families I know use a family bed. They do all grow out of these rituals. I have never met an adult who uses a pacifier, sucks her thumb, or snuggles with her mom to fall asleep. Though I do know a few who have a doudou-like stuffie in bed with them! Whatever it takes...
ReplyDeleteWhatever it takes! Though peace has finally been restored one week later. M is now content to sleep with just her doudou and stuffed dog.
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