Being a Woman in Japan

We have now been living in Japan for two months, and I am discovering new things everyday, particularly as a woman living in Japan. My perspective comes with the obvious caveats of 1) being a foreigner 2) living in a large metropolitan area like Tokyo as opposed to a smaller city, town, or rural area, and 3) having lived here for two months only, as my perceptions will surely evolve over time. 

Giving Birth

Being a woman in Japan is one thing. Being a mother is another. Motherhood, and the mother-child relationship, is held sacred in Japanese culture. This might sound strange because it seems obvious, but let me give you a few examples. Japanese mothers save the umbilical cord after their baby is born. They place it in a special box, provided by the hospital, as a keepsake to symbolize the bond between mother and child. Japanese women are encouraged to give birth without epidural so they can undergo the full experience, which is considered transformative. That is, the pain is part of what transforms the woman into a mother who can bond with her child. 

It shocked me how rare epidurals are in Japan. While statistics vary, if you search "epidural in Japan," it is apparent that the rate is well below 10%. It is not a mainstream option, and certainly not the default. If you want an epidural, you have to reserve your spot at a private clinic that administers epidurals. Because there are fewer of these clinics, spots fill up quickly, and by all accounts, you have to book months in advance. The cost can also be two, even three or four times as high as standard care at a public hospital. 

The government heavily subsidizes childbirth costs, but not as a medical expense. Childbirth is funded separately from medical expenses because it is considered a natural, non-medical event. This is likely different for C-sections, though I don't know for sure. The amount of funding depends on each city ward, so it varies across Tokyo. 

Childcare

After the baby is born, the mother carries the baby - a lot. Japan has a long tradition of baby carrying, established long before it became popular among us millennials. Here in Tokyo, I see moms carrying their babies everywhere, doing everything, and for superhuman amounts of time. I found it difficult to carry my three month old baby beyond one hour in the baby carrier. After three months of age, I could only carry her for half an hour before feeling achey and exhausted. I see women carrying their one year olds to buy groceries. Then I seen them walking home, carrying the groceries and wearing the baby. It seems that the cultural norm is for the mother and baby to spend all their waking hours together. 

The use of nannies and domestic helpers is a big part of Chinese culture, and it's common in American culture as well. It took me a few years to notice this, but nannies are notably absent in Japan. Even really wealthy Japanese do not have nannies. In comparison, middle class Chinese families have nannies. It appears to me that the woman's role in the domestic sphere is so deeply rooted in Japanese society that it takes on a higher cultural significance, one that trumps pragmatism and wealth. 

Birth control

Birth control options was something else that surprised me. According to my husband who recently completed his gynecology service at a local hospital, the pill is by far the most common contraceptive provided. IUDs are uncommon, and implants and injections very rare. Now, who knows if this is due to demand or supply or perhaps both. Growing up, my mother discouraged the use of tampons because she thought inserting a foreign thing into your body compromises your bodily integrity - or something like that. East Asian countries are socially and culturally conservative compared to western counterparts, so it is possible that demand is low for these relatively new (and arguably more invasive) methods of birth control. 

Clothing and Fashion

So far, the weather has been cool and temperate in Tokyo. But Tokyo summers are notoriously hot and humid. When that time comes, I will wish for a short summer dress, and everyone will know that I am not Japanese. In general, the women's fashion here dictates long, flowing clothing. The shirts are loose fitting, dresses are long, and culottes beat out other types of pants. Tight clothes, cleavage, and legs are not common sights. Even in the hot summers, you see on both women and men a lot of pants and not many shorts. 

And of course, there is the sizing. Sizing runs small here and sometimes, not at all. I have come across a few things that are one size only. A couple of years ago, I was shopping for maternity pants and found ones with adjustable waistbands. When I asked about sizing, the store clerk said that it was one size, because the waistbands are adjustable. My size is considered standard here, so I don't have any trouble finding clothes in this sense. Although diversity in size is not a concept that has gained a foothold in Japan, things are changing. Naomi Watanabe is a comedian, actress, and fashion icon. She is the one whom Hiroshi Sasaki, chief executive creative director of the Tokyo Olympics, said should dress as an "Olympig" at the opening ceremony. He was subsequently forced to resign over the comment. 

As a foreigner, I am lucky in many ways because I am held to different cultural standards. I feel some pressure to conform, but nothing extreme. I am also lucky because who I am happens to largely fit existing social norms. Japanese culture is truly a study of contrasts. Despite amazing AI technology and the ability to implement that technology to facilitate even mundane aspects of life (i.e., toilets), other facets of life remain practically untouched by this type of forward-thinking mentality.